Starbucks Newbies. First of all, how is this your first time at a Starbucks?! How could you have gone over twenty years (yes, the chain has been around that long) without ever having stepped foot in a Starbucks? You would think that, even if you didn’t love coffee, you would have at least ducked into one to see what all the fuss was about. Well, mon frere, I can tell you this: those of us who DO frequent the ‘Bux on a daily basis are not sympathetic to the fact that you don’t know what you’re doing. Lucky for you, the baristas as Starbucks don’t operate under a Soup Nazi mentality, but those of us that need caffeine to kick-start our mornings surely do. So the fact that you have chosen a weekday morning, pre 9:00 am, as your first Starbucks experience is both baffling and unacceptable. First, you are the lone obstacle standing between a line full of caffeine addicts and their drug of choice, and you are taking WAY too long to get out of the way. Of all the days you could have picked to visit a Starbucks, you picked a weekday MORNING, at a time when those that do have a morning routine are rushing to get their coffee and get into the office, so you are clearly an inconsiderate person with no ability to recognize human suffering. And second, do you REALLY need the barista to explain why they call a small a tall and a medium a grande? Who CARES??? That’s just the way it is, so order your stupid mocha frappucino at 8 am (which we know is what you’re going to pick, since it’s the “safe” first-Starbucks-experience choice) and GET. OUT. OF. THE. WAY. Thx.
- Your turn signal is broken. That’s fair, and pretty much the only acceptable reason not to use a turn signal. But unless it broke just a few minutes ago when you left your house, you shouldn’t be driving your defective vehicle.
- You think you’re better than everyone. News flash, Walter Cronkite: You AREN'T.
- You’re an idiot. Odds are you fall into category No. 3, and I hate you.
So there you have it - the four people making the fantasy of a stress-free weekday unobtainable. How can you yourself help prevent such atrocities? Simple: in every situation you encounter, simply ask yourself "what would a human do," and just do that. Note: If you have to ask yourself this question, odds are you are one of the above offenders, but it's never to late to turn your life around. I believe in you!