And there's a reason that this holiday is all about thanks: because starting at 12:01 the following day, the world goes CRAZY. CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS. Meaning Thanksgiving is the last big "push" we give ourselves to hang on to our sanity before holiday traffic, holiday shopping and an abundance of relatives and family drama puts us over the edge. Serenity now, people. Serenity now.
It's as though everyone is suddenly panic-stricken that they might miss the next holiday (NOTE: 30-ish days later) if they don't start preparing for it right that second. WHY must there be such a rush to usher in the next holiday?? Is Thanksgiving not enough?? And odds are this 'Christmas Is Coming' mentality likely started weeks before Thanksgiving. I know I saw the first holiday lights start showing up at my local Starbucks on November 1st (the day after Halloween), along with the Christmas cups and holiday offerings like eggnog lattes (vomit). I'm a sucker for a twinkle light, but come on, people - is celebrating Christmas in November really necessary? I mean, I know we have about a gagillion Christmas movies to show before the Big Day, but I'm pretty sure we're going to flame out early. Not ideal.
And it's this very specific brand of crazy that always accompanies the holiday onslaught that baffles me: the obsession with making THIS year's holiday season better than last, the one-upmanship and the refusal to be outdone. And so I give you the Top Three Holiday Offenders to watch out for this time of year:
2. Shopping Mecca Traffic Directors. This might sound like a weird one, but I cannot STAND these guys. They think they are SO important with their red onesies and giant orange airplane-directing batons. Oh MAN these dudes roast my potatoes. And their appearance on the scene is usually the first sign (other than the constant holiday music blaring from the radio) that the Apocalypse, er, I mean, the Holidays are upon us. So in reality, it is not necessarily the dude in the traffic suit but what he represents that gets to me. They signal a change in the air, an impending cloud of holiday cheer mixed with over indulgence (cookie-style) and a dash of crazy that is sure to last the entirety of November and December. Buckle up, kiddos. It's time to brace yourself for the oncoming holiday onslaught.
3. The Holiday One-Upper. All of us should be familiar with this particular offender (NOTE: If you're not, you probably are one). These are the jerks who find a way to brag about how awesome they are at Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza related things and, by comparison, how sucky the rest of us are at them. These are the humble (but not humble) braggarts who can't help but share about how great they are at gift-giving, or how charitable they are by giving the latest gift, the most expensive coat or their own kidney to someone who needed it. Things you might hear from a HOU:
- "You mean you haven't gotten any of your gifts yet?? I finished holiday shopping weeks ago. I just love finding the perfect gifts for the people I love, so doing my holiday shopping was really easy."
- "You mean your holiday meal was store-bought this year? I couldn't imagine not cooking it myself; slaving away in the kitchen just brings me so much joy."
- "My life is just SO perfect. Perfect job, perfect relationship, perfect presents, perfect holiday outfits. I'm just perfect."
So there you have it, friends. The holidays are HERE. Serenity now...insanity later. Oh, and happy holidays!