Preach. Well, Thanksgiving has officially come and gone. The turkey has been carved, the mashed potatoes devoured and the pumpkin pie has miraculously disappeared. This holiday is undoubtedly my favorite; THE holiday amongst holidays. Why, you might ask? Because it is a day to forget about whatever B.S. might be plaguing your daily life, to remember how wonderful being around family (at least for a few hours) can be and to gorge yourself on the most delicious carb-loaded food around. Nothing goes together better than biscuits and...more biscuits. But the one main reason to love this holiday is that it is about pausing to look around yourself and be thankful for what you have and the people with whom you get to share it. In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." I love Ferris Bueller. Ipso facto, I love turkey day.
And there's a reason that this holiday is all about thanks: because starting at 12:01 the following day, the world goes CRAZY. CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS. Meaning Thanksgiving is the last big "push" we give ourselves to hang on to our sanity before holiday traffic, holiday shopping and an abundance of relatives and family drama puts us over the edge. Serenity now, people. Serenity now.
It's as though everyone is suddenly panic-stricken that they might miss the next holiday (NOTE: 30-ish days later) if they don't start preparing for it right that second. WHY must there be such a rush to usher in the next holiday?? Is Thanksgiving not enough?? And odds are this 'Christmas Is Coming' mentality likely started weeks before Thanksgiving. I know I saw the first holiday lights start showing up at my local Starbucks on November 1st (the day after Halloween), along with the Christmas cups and holiday offerings like eggnog lattes (vomit). I'm a sucker for a twinkle light, but come on, people - is celebrating Christmas in November really necessary? I mean, I know we have about a gagillion Christmas movies to show before the Big Day, but I'm pretty sure we're going to flame out early. Not ideal.
And it's this very specific brand of crazy that always accompanies the holiday onslaught that baffles me: the obsession with making THIS year's holiday season better than last, the one-upmanship and the refusal to be outdone. And so I give you the Top Three Holiday Offenders to watch out for this time of year:
And there's a reason that this holiday is all about thanks: because starting at 12:01 the following day, the world goes CRAZY. CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS. Meaning Thanksgiving is the last big "push" we give ourselves to hang on to our sanity before holiday traffic, holiday shopping and an abundance of relatives and family drama puts us over the edge. Serenity now, people. Serenity now.
It's as though everyone is suddenly panic-stricken that they might miss the next holiday (NOTE: 30-ish days later) if they don't start preparing for it right that second. WHY must there be such a rush to usher in the next holiday?? Is Thanksgiving not enough?? And odds are this 'Christmas Is Coming' mentality likely started weeks before Thanksgiving. I know I saw the first holiday lights start showing up at my local Starbucks on November 1st (the day after Halloween), along with the Christmas cups and holiday offerings like eggnog lattes (vomit). I'm a sucker for a twinkle light, but come on, people - is celebrating Christmas in November really necessary? I mean, I know we have about a gagillion Christmas movies to show before the Big Day, but I'm pretty sure we're going to flame out early. Not ideal.
And it's this very specific brand of crazy that always accompanies the holiday onslaught that baffles me: the obsession with making THIS year's holiday season better than last, the one-upmanship and the refusal to be outdone. And so I give you the Top Three Holiday Offenders to watch out for this time of year:
Really?! 1. The Overly-Excited Office Worker. We go to the office to do work. On the sliding scale of office acceptability, mine isn't too bad a place to be, but, as I've said many a time, if they didn't pay me, I wouldn't go. Which is why this particular offender really grinds my gears. These are the co-worker who are just SO excited for the holidays that they bust out the holiday sweaters the day after Halloween (usually paired with stretchy pants and sneakers) and start humming the holiday hits "to themselves" but loud enough for those around them to be unable to avoid. They usually put up decorations in their cubicles, and, by decorations, I mean more than a mere tchotchke or two. They are usually guilty of making their desks into a holiday destinations, whether with a nativity scene or an elf on shelf or a mini-tree...or, with the worst offenders, a combination of all three AND more! I'm not a total Grinch - I definitely appreciate the time it took you to turn your work space into a holiday fun land. But your insistence on making me a part of the bizarro-holiday fun land that is your DESK is simply unacceptable. I did not sign on to be "Santa's Little Helper" the day I signed my employment contract. So I will admire your work from afar and will happily join in with the office pot-luck, but asking me to try your eggnog in November and to sing "holiday jams" with you at the water cooler is a non-starter. If that makes me a Scrooge, call me Bill Murray and sign me up.
2. Shopping Mecca Traffic Directors. This might sound like a weird one, but I cannot STAND these guys. They think they are SO important with their red onesies and giant orange airplane-directing batons. Oh MAN these dudes roast my potatoes. And their appearance on the scene is usually the first sign (other than the constant holiday music blaring from the radio) that the Apocalypse, er, I mean, the Holidays are upon us. So in reality, it is not necessarily the dude in the traffic suit but what he represents that gets to me. They signal a change in the air, an impending cloud of holiday cheer mixed with over indulgence (cookie-style) and a dash of crazy that is sure to last the entirety of November and December. Buckle up, kiddos. It's time to brace yourself for the oncoming holiday onslaught.
3. The Holiday One-Upper. All of us should be familiar with this particular offender (NOTE: If you're not, you probably are one). These are the jerks who find a way to brag about how awesome they are at Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza related things and, by comparison, how sucky the rest of us are at them. These are the humble (but not humble) braggarts who can't help but share about how great they are at gift-giving, or how charitable they are by giving the latest gift, the most expensive coat or their own kidney to someone who needed it. Things you might hear from a HOU:
So there you have it, friends. The holidays are HERE. Serenity now...insanity later. Oh, and happy holidays!
2. Shopping Mecca Traffic Directors. This might sound like a weird one, but I cannot STAND these guys. They think they are SO important with their red onesies and giant orange airplane-directing batons. Oh MAN these dudes roast my potatoes. And their appearance on the scene is usually the first sign (other than the constant holiday music blaring from the radio) that the Apocalypse, er, I mean, the Holidays are upon us. So in reality, it is not necessarily the dude in the traffic suit but what he represents that gets to me. They signal a change in the air, an impending cloud of holiday cheer mixed with over indulgence (cookie-style) and a dash of crazy that is sure to last the entirety of November and December. Buckle up, kiddos. It's time to brace yourself for the oncoming holiday onslaught.
3. The Holiday One-Upper. All of us should be familiar with this particular offender (NOTE: If you're not, you probably are one). These are the jerks who find a way to brag about how awesome they are at Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza related things and, by comparison, how sucky the rest of us are at them. These are the humble (but not humble) braggarts who can't help but share about how great they are at gift-giving, or how charitable they are by giving the latest gift, the most expensive coat or their own kidney to someone who needed it. Things you might hear from a HOU:
- "You mean you haven't gotten any of your gifts yet?? I finished holiday shopping weeks ago. I just love finding the perfect gifts for the people I love, so doing my holiday shopping was really easy."
- "You mean your holiday meal was store-bought this year? I couldn't imagine not cooking it myself; slaving away in the kitchen just brings me so much joy."
- "My life is just SO perfect. Perfect job, perfect relationship, perfect presents, perfect holiday outfits. I'm just perfect."
So there you have it, friends. The holidays are HERE. Serenity now...insanity later. Oh, and happy holidays!
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