Crocs: The Shoe, Not the Predator. Though Both Are Killers of Souls.

So, as Seinfeld might say, "what's the deal with Crocs?"  But SERIOUSLY.  We are talking about plastic shoes that require built in air holes. For your FEET.  So your feet can BREATHE.  Feet.  Breathing.  Just think about that for a second.  Gross.

At this point in our lives, I think everyone is familiar with a Croc.  And to clarify, I'm referring to "Crocs classic," as opposed to these new fangled Crocs to which hipsters today are partial (NOTE:  This is normally where I would provide a link to a site describing the subject or to the vendor's website, but in this case, I just...NOPE).  We live in a SOCIETY, people.  One where we should have respect for the eyes, and noses, of those around us.  When you wear Crocs you are literally murdering my eyes.  And, if you are the type that wears crocs, I'm going to guess that if I bent down, your breathing feet would likely slay my nostrils.

It's not even the shoe itself that's my issue:  it's the decision to buy Crocs over any other shoe.  Seriously.  ANY other shoe.  I'm even OK'ing Tevas here, people.  You had to make the conscious decision to walk into a store, see the entire shoe selection (which, I'm going to assume, included more than just Crocs) and voluntarily choose a shoe made entirely of a synthetic, polyurethane-like substance, with a strap on the back to hold your foot in place when it starts sweating (as it will obviously do as a result of being made of such material) and HOLES so that when your foot inevitably sweats, some cool open air can flow in and dry it off.

I mean, are we savages??  For those of you reading this and saying to yourselves, "I mean, I don't think Crocs are so terrible," you are obviously a Wearer of Crocs (WOC) and may not understand the offensive effect that they have on others.  Let me say this, there are only three acceptable occasions for a WOC to wear Crocs:

1. Someone comes to your house and holds a gun to your head (though, if I were you, I would do my homework and make sure the gun was loaded before I agreed).
2. You are participating in water sports/activities and Aqua Socks are not available (yes, Aqua Socks are preferable to Crocs any day of the week and twice on Sundays).
3. You are a baby.  NOTE:  You must be an actual baby (i.e., a child under the age of five) to fall under this exception.  And you only fall under this exception because you're not old enough to make your own decisions as to clothes and/or divorce your parents for bad taste.

If you are reading this post, you probably don't fall under any of these exceptions, as a) you are probably old enough to use the Internet, b) if someone is holding a loaded gun to your head you've got things other than reading 'Idle Minded' on your mind, and c) Aqua Socks are always available.

So, to sum up, be a human and wear real shoes, not shoe substitutes.